50 Years: 10 Lessons in Food, Relationships and Finding Myself in version 5.0

I recently had a conversation with a lovely woman about my 50th birthday on the horizon. She said, “Oh, version 5.0 You! I love it!” Then she talked about these different transitions that we go through in our lives at specific ages – 3.0 (30), 4.0 (40), and 5.0 (50). And I thought, “How fun, I get to upgrade to version 5.0”.

I must admit entering midlife often doesn’t feel like an upgrade! It feels messy and chaotic, uncertain and “since when did my body do that?!” However, it also feels wise and centered. It’s the “I don’t have to prove myself to anyone BUT myself” moment of arrival, which feels amazing.

So now, with 50 years in the rearview mirror, here are some lessons learned to reflect upon as a midlife woman. I hope your version 5.0 feels joyous!

1. Life is stressful, but I don’t have to be stressed.

This was one of my biggest lessons to learn as I once let stress run me down (literally, as I was unconscious, passed out on the floor) as I entered my 40s. Through meditation, breathwork and honoring boundaries (just say no) I was able to manage my stress load, and my reaction to stressful demands. Life is so much better and easier, when stress is not in the driver’s seat!

2. Nurture the relationships that nurture you back.

As I was surrounded by close friends and family on my birthday, my heart was full! Some I’ve known since I was 6! Others are newer connections but the impact of their decision to spend time with me was heartwarming. People will come and go in your life, but the ones who choose to invest their time, energy and smiles into your world are worth nurturing – smile back!

3. Kindness to others is never wrong.

A client recently gave me a tiny seed, on a random day. At first it seemed odd, but as I looked closer, I realized that it had a tiny elephant carved on it! She gave it to me simply because she knows that I love elephants. Amazing! I felt so cared for and seen and was reminded that the simplest, kindest actions have a huge impact! In a world of “us vs them”, remember that there is only “we” and we should be kind to one another.

4. Life has so much beauty.

Things go wrong. Things break. Feelings get hurt. Hearts get broken. But nothing in the universe functions out of balance. There is always good. There is always a reason to be filled with joy. Even if it’s just watching a butterfly drift by or being grateful for indoor plumbing! Indeed, practicing gratefulness actually grows our brain and wires our brains to more easily recognize the positive and beautiful. How lovely is that!

5. Food is necessary – love it with mindful awareness.

Poor food, always taking the blame for our perceived faults. There’s always a new diet, always a “no” food, always a reason to feel shame. But the truth is – food is just food – a mix of protein, carbs and fat. Some nourish you. Some harm you. And it’s unique to each person! 

Cultivating mindfulness around my food and eating (aka mindful eating) changed my relationship with food, and myself. It taught me to slow down, enjoy nourishing my body and mind, and make the choices that serve me best. I do not follow diet rules; I follow self-loving guidance!

6. Make room for what matters.

I used to fill my days. Always on the go; always doing. But now my body craves rest and joy. I’ve learned the art of holding boundaries and how to say NO, in a loving way of course. I hold space for the things and people that bring me joy, and when there is nothing on my calendar – no “to dos” – I embrace the rest. The time for my body and mind to recharge and be content with being. We are human beings after all!

7. Be Sensual.

Experience life with ALL your senses. We tend to rely on vision 80% of the time, to relay messages and allow our brain to develop an image of our world. But close your eyes….what do you smell? What do you hear? What are you touching? The world is so much more vibrant than what we see. 

Plus, scent is tied directly to memory formation, so seek out new places; the different restaurants; the hidden gardens and wake up the brain! One note on taste: when eating mindfully, taste plays a huge role in how we decide what to eat and when to stop eating. And oh yes – there is another way to experience taste and of course that is sensual!

8. Keep moving, especially if it’s playful.

Recently I started going to a dance fitness class. The idea was to increase my cardio routine, but I got so much more! The class is focused on open movement – there’s no front of the room, you just move your body. In the first class, I was confused a bit but loved it. In the second class, I cried. I cried because I realized how little “play” I had in my life. I didn’t play in my body anymore! Everything was scheduled and practiced and deliberate. Dance said “nope, there’s no practicing this. There’s just an open expression. How do you want to move, Amber?” I love it so much! How do you want to play?

But movement in general is so necessary. In a physical therapist’s office is a sign that reads “We don’t stop moving because we age; we age because we stop moving.” This is so true! I see it in my clients and family, and as I age, It’s more important than ever to me that I can keep going strong! I want to be there for my children (and maybe grandchildren); I want to travel and do adventures; I want to carry my own groceries and grab things off shelves. Movement is life!

9. I am always right, except when I am wrong. 

The best thing you can do for your relationships – coworker, family, friend – is admit your mistakes and take responsibility for your actions. So much conflict can be reduced or avoided by simply owning your actions and thoughts. Facing hard truths with humility opens conversation and allows for resolution instead of confrontation. Then go back to practicing number 3 and showing kindness to yourself and others. 

Mostly, it’s important to keep an open mind. Very few things in life are black and white. Can you see the other perspective? Can you try new things? Be open to possibilities. You never know what may come of it or what direction you’ll go.

10. I am enough, exactly as I am.

The greatest joy of turning 50 is the realization that I have nothing to prove. I am worthy. I am who I am, and that’s pretty great!

I hope these lessons resonate with you. I hope you read this and think “yeah, I want more play in my life” or “I am enough!” Because friends, these lessons are not accessible only by version 5.0 women – they are available to you all! 

Amber is the emotional health expert for perimenopausal women. A health coach, massage therapist, business owner, mom, painter, hiker, and suddenly…dancer! If you feel called for support in your own version 5.0, book your discovery call today.